


Our Own Constellation

by GrumpyMoony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Baby sitting, Fluff, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-First War with Voldemort, Pregnancy, Surrogate, Surrogate Marlene, at some point, parenting, really a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 16:16:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8720416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpyMoony/pseuds/GrumpyMoony
Summary: Sirius and Remus have healed from the war and want to have their own child. Marlene accepts to be their surrogate and they are dealing with pregnancy and how to raise a child.
I'm bad at summaries but if you want to blush at fluff and at some point have your heart crashed with angst I am here for you.





	1. A very Sirius talk

**Author's Note:**

> so my first published fic had to be wolstar of course... thanks a lot to my little beta Holly who brings joy in my heart and save your little eyes from my poor spelling skills. bless her.
> 
> about the context, all the marauders are alive, peter never betrayed anyone and everyone is happy, like they should be.
> 
> enjoy !

It had been years since the downfall of Voldemort and the end of the Wizarding War, and the world was finally starting to heal. All the buildings that were destroyed had been rebuilt, the dead had been buried and mourned and people were smiling again. Even if the war took and ruined many lives, there were new ones everyday.

 

Remus Lupin found out that he was starting to feel a little bit of hope after all this darkness. His nightmares were less and less frequent, full moons were not as terrifying as they were before, he didn't have to lie all the time anymore. It had been long, but four years after, he finally felt like he could be happy again.

 

Of course he had been helped. He had his four best friends by his side, and one of them happened to also be his now husband, Sirius Black. The five of them had healed their wounds together: Lily and James's constant fear for their son, Peter's trauma after he was captured by the Dark Lord, Sirius's grief for his brother's loss. There were a lot of pain on everyone's heart, but not anymore. Now they were as happy as they could be.

 

As he was thinking about all this, Remus was lying in his bed, his arms closed around Padfoot's waist and his nose in his hair, smelling the soft scent of shampoo and dog fur. He starred in fondness at the silver ring on Sirius's finger. Mine, he thought, and couldn't help but to gently caress his hand. He felt like he could never get enough of it, of being happy with the love of his life. He felt safe and loved, and so human, in these arms. Like he could do anything. He was definitely the happiest person in the world, he decided, as he closed his eyes and felt into sleep.

 

***

 

July 25th, 1984

 

Marlene McKinnon had already had surprises in her life. Her friends were quite fond of jokes and pranks, and her life in itself had been a rollercoaster. Therefore, she found nothing surprising in waking up one morning with a different hair color or in a different room, which had happened more than once back in Hogwarts. She knew the Marauders could attack any time to try to make her scared or mad. She was used to double check every information they gave her, and today she was glad to say nothing from them could surprise her anymore.

 

Except maybe this.

 

« I don't think I completely understand what you mean. » she said to Remus and Sirius, who were casually settled on her couch, drinking her tea and eating her chocolate.

 

Sirius coughed awkwardly and stared at his feets. Remus blushed a little and seeked the comfort of his husband's hand. He was the first of the two to break the silence and rephrased their request :

 

“We thought about it a lot, Marls. We've been thinking about this for a while. We're ready. We're 24, we have money, one of us has a safe job…” his voice went down. Remus' current unemployment was a sensitive topic, and Sirius quickly changed the subject.

 

“What we mean is that this isn't just an impulse. We both want this. And we honestly think you would be the ideal person to do this. We trust you.”

 

Marlene still wasn't sure if it was a prank or not. They seemed both serious and sincere, but she knew better. They were excellent actors. When they were twelve, they managed to make her believe boys had periods too and muggle cows made chocolate milk – both in the same week. But would they be able to joke about _that_ ?

 

“Marlene ? You haven't spoken for a solid three minutes and we are out of tea, and Merlin knows we need some for this conversation.”

 

Sirius' voice awakened Marlene from her thoughts and she gave them more tea from her kettle as she cleared her throat to ask the two men the dreaded question:

 

“Is this a prank ? Or are you serious ?”

 

“Well sweetie who else could I be... Ouch, Moony, that hurts !”

 

Remus had smashed the back of his husband's head while calmly sipping his tea. “We are very serious, Marlene.” The black haired boy bursted in laughters. “Oh please, Sirius, can't you be seri... Oh Merlin…”

 

At his own despair, Remus started to laugh too. They were both giggling and trying to catch their breathe. Marlene could guess that it released them from the stress of the talk. So were they definitely serious about this ?

 

“Er, well. If this really isn't a prank, then... I have to think about it. This is a lot to ask, you know. It's a big thing in a life and...”

 

“We completely understand, Marlene, interrupted Remus. We never expected you to give us an immediate answer, and you are very free to decline. We just really hope it could be you.”

 

She had a soft smile.

 

“You really want this child, don't you ?”

 

“More than anything, yeah, answered Sirius without hesitation. We want this since such a long time, and it feels... Right, in a way. Raising a baby Marauder.”

 

Marlene felt like she could just melt from cuteness. Her and Sirius had came out to each other as gay when they were thirteen, and she had pushed him to ask Remus out ever since. She cried as much as James and Peter at their wedding. She made a speech about Sirius freaking out about where to take Remus for their first date, and how he had rambling for hours about how Remus's hair shined in the sun. Lily delivered a similar speech about the werewolf, and the guests had laughed as much as they had cried when James made his own speech.

 

Her point was that she loved the two of them a lot, and if she could help them to have their own kid, she would. But being pregnant, and then giving birth, was a different level of commitment. She just had to clear her mind, and then she could give them her answer.

 

The boys stood up and hugged her tight before they made their way to the door. Before they apparated, Sirius kissed her tenderly on the cheek and put his hand on her shoulder.

 

“Thank you for listening to us, Marls.”

 

And then they were gone.

 

***

 

July 28th, 1984

 

“Remus ? When do you think she is going to answer ?”

“It had been three days, Padfoot. Being our surrogate is not a light decision. She would have to face pain, hormones and even worst, us. Give the poor girl some time.”

They were cuddling in bed, the sun slowly raising and lighting their bedroom. Sirius would have to leave for work soon. After he left Hogwarts, he had tried to become an Auror like James, but he couldn't stand the pressure and the discipline. He needed to get wild after years of living as a Black. So he became a magical mechanic who created many part muggle part magic vehicles. He didn't have many clients but he felt happy in his job and this was all that mattered. But for now, none of them were thinking about work. The question that took them weeks to dare to ask was going to be answered soon.  
They had backup plans, of course. They knew other people with an uterus, and they could still visit an orphanage, but Marlene was their first choice. She was just so close to them, and none of the boys would mind a bit of McKinnon's DNA into their child.

 

They were holding hands as they walked to the kitchen to get breakfast. Neither of them were talking because they already knew what the other one was thinking. Their moves were anxious when they prepared their meals. They were nervous since the idea of children came into their minds, but today was the culmination of their waiting. Maybe because Sirius, who had always been good at divination, felt something different in the air, just like something was about to happen.

 

To calm his nerves, Sirius put some music on. Soon, the room was filled with the first chords of “Modern Love” by the great David Bowie and both men were grinning. Remus moved forward, grabbed his husband's waist and started to waltz in the middle of their messy living room. Sirius shouted more than sang the lyrics and Remus laughed with all his heart. Both had stopped to try to dance properly and were just jumping on their feet and spinning the other.

 

Dancing at breakfast was their thing since they moved in together after Hogwarts, and it happened at least twice a week. When one of them was too tired, they chose a slower song, usually “Space Oddity”, and the exhausted one nuzzled his face into the other one's shoulder and they just lazily moved from one feet to the other. Remus loved when Sirius whispered “can you hear me, Major Tom ?” in his ear when he felt down, or after a full moon. And Sirius loved when Remus played with his dark locks, muttering words of comfort.

 

But right now the world was joy and lights as the song died and Sirius pulled Remus in a messy hug. The next song was “China Girl”, but Sirius turned it off. They were both starving, and Remus had made eggs and bacon. They ate it all without speaking, holding hands on the table and giggling in the silence.

 

And suddenly the doorbell rang.

 

They stared at each other. They expected no one, James and Lily were most likely busy with Harry, and Peter was at work. They both hoped for a particular person, but didn't dare to speak it aloud. Slowly, Remus stood and opened the door.

 

“HEY MOONY ! yelled an overexcited James Potter. What's up ? Lily took the lil' boy to school so I came to see if you were up to some shenanigans ?”

Remus felt his heart drop like a stone, unable to meet James with the same buoyancy he had greeted him with, even if he was more than ready to have fun with his friend.

“Oh, er, hi Prongs.”

“Is this a bad time ? Were you guys... In some compromising position ?”

Remus couldn't help but smile at his friend's lack of tact and obliviousness.

“Nah, it's okay, he heard Sirius answer behind him. All clothes were still on. So you got rid of the doe and the fawn and finally became a free man ?”

“You're one to talk, Mr. Lupin ! And as a matter of fact, I just came here to...”

But no one ever knew what James Potter had in mind, because he was interrupted by a sweet and shy voice that they almost didn't recognize.

“Hey guys ? Can we have a talk ?”

Marlene McKinnon was standing in their alley, fidgeting with the sleeves of her coat. She was very nervous, but the great smile on her lips already revealed the answer she came to give. Sirius and Remus instinctively reached or the other one's hand, and Sirius cleared his throat before answering her:

“Of course, dear, we have Sirius things to discuss.”


	2. An announcement to make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus wakes up after the full moon with very good news from his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmpf this chapter took forever to write and i'm still not completely glad of it. guess i'll edit it later, and hopefully next ones will be better.  
> enjoy anyway !

October 21th, 1984

 

Remus Lupin woke up alone in his bed, all of his body screaming in pain. His skin felt too tight, his chest was burning and his thoughts were blurred. He wanted to cry for help but his throat was hurting too much, and he only managed to groan weakly.

 

As he tried to open his eyes to see if he had new scars, he heard the door of the bedroom opening. There was a sudden weight on the side of the bed and a warm hand on his cheek, and a soft humming sound wrapping around him. He was immediately better, almost forgetting the aching pain in his body. As the warm hand moved to his forehead, nose and lips, he felt the need for rest invading him and he went back to sleep.

 

***

 

A few hours later, he opened his eyes again and noticed that there was almost no more pain in his body. He smelt coffee next to him, and heard a quiet laughter.

 

“Did I already tell you how cute you are when you wake up, Moons ?”

 

“Every time I wake up next to you.”

 

He was about to add a sarcastic comment but the aching feeling in his bones became heavier and he groaned. Sirius immediately pulled out his wand and casted a healing charm. It wasn’t exactly curing him, just burying the pain.

 

“Here, Moons, stay here. I have your potion all prepared, in your tea. It was a pretty good moon, you know. No scar, just a few bruises. What you are feeling now is just the pain from the Change.”

 

Remus holds back a laugh and took his cup of tea.

 

“So you read a few books about it and now you know more about lycanthropy than I do ?”

 

Sirius pouted, mumbling something about just wanting to help, and that next time he would just have to prepare his potion himself. Remus didn’t hide his amusement this time and pulled his husband in a long and soft kiss. His lips tasted like the disgusting draught he had just drank, but if Sirius cared, he didn’t show it. After a solid five minutes of making out, Remus let his head fall on his pillow with a large grin.

 

“Thank you for the potion love. I feel better already.”

 

“You are still staying in bed ! No chance you are getting out of it before tonight.”

 

Sirius laid on the bed and took his lover in his arms. He always took a day off work after the full moon to take care of his Moony. Remus was against it as first, but of course Sirius was too stubborn to hear about it. And the werewolf was now very grateful for this, because nothing made him feel better after the transformations than his sweet husband. He always wondered how he lived 6 years of these without his friends behind him. He smiled even more and buried his face in Sirius’s neck, and felt his eyelids becoming heavier.

 

He didn’t wake up until the evening, and got a surprise from his husband.

 

***

 

When he went to the kitchen to see if dinner was ready, he saw Sirius expecting him at the table with a letter and the sweetest face. Remus smiled and sat in front of him, still too tired to stand.

 

“I have excellent news, love.”

 

Remus nodded and waited for Sirius’s revelation. He thought he would make him wait to be dramatic, but he explained immediately. Which, for Sirius, meant he was just too excited to contain himself.

 

“Marlene went to St Mungo today. She sent an owl. It’s been around two months, and the healers are now sure the baby is well settled down here and will be fine.”

 

Remus felt all the weight of the transformation disappearing. He was so overflowed by emotions he didn’t know what to say. He felt a bubble of joy in his heart, growing and growing until it enveloped all of his body and mind. Wordlessly, he stood up and threw himself into Sirius’s arms.

 

There was no particular concern about the baby’s health, but the magical process of surrogacy was complex and things were unsure for a few weeks. But now, they were sure of it. They were having a baby. They were going to be fathers.

 

Remus felt no pain anymore. His soul was beyond his condition and everything around him. There were fireworks, there was lightning. He had forgot everything except for the news he just learned and the man in his arms. 

 

And suddenly both were crying. Remus quietly, with a small grin, and Sirius with great sobs and excessive noises. And both were laughing.

 

After a long time of pure joy, Sirius whispered in his husband’s ear :

 

“So I thought we should tell James, Lily and Peter then ?”

 

Remus froze. He had forgotten only them and Marlene knew at the moment. Keeping it a secret from their best friends had been challenging, but they just didn’t want people to know if something went wrong. They just wouldn’t have been able to put up with the pitying looks and compassion.

 

“You really feel ready to have people knowing ?” he asked.

 

“Not everybody. But we just can’t hide it from the guys, James told us the minute he knew !”

 

“As he was getting drunk and crying, yes. But I guess, okay.”

 

Sirius smiled and pressed a small peck on his husband’s lips.

 

“Anyone else you reckon we should tell ? Your, er, dad maybe ?”

 

Remus frowned. His father was his last parent alive, and they never had a great relationship. He was always more close with his mother, and neither him or Lyall knew exactly what to tell each other. The fact that he used to be anti-werewolves and responsible for Remus’s attack didn’t help. They weren’t really talking apart from holidays and the very few invitations for tea. He had no idea how his father would react to the news.

 

“Well, I guess. But… The guys first right ?”

 

He attempted to smile and kissed Sirius, but it was different than before. It was hesitant, and a little bit too forced to be enjoyable. He sat back on his chair and started to eat his soup. He knew that he’d have to tell his father at some point, but he wasn’t sure how to.

 

Sirius looked at his husband, knowing perfectly what was on his mind. He felt sorry for bringing up the subject, but he had to. The more time Remus would have to consider it, the better.

 

They ate their dinner in silence.

 

***

 

October 25th, 1984

 

Marlene McKinnon was seated between Sirius and Remus on the Potter’s couch, telling Harry a story. It was the kid’s favorite - the one with a princess who defied a dragon to save her prince - and he was laughing so hard James and Sirius couldn’t talk normally. Lily and Remus were listening to the story as well, and laughed nearly as much as Harry.

 

The mood was relaxed at the moment, but the three guests were very nervous. Not that they were afraid of their reaction, but the fact they actually had to tell the words would make the whole thing more real.

 

At the end of the story, Harry asked for another one, but Lily decided it was time for him to go to sleep. He complained for ten minutes before he kissed all the grownups good night and went to wash his teeth. James went with him to sing him a lullaby, and soon Peter and Lily were alone with the Trio. There was a silence. They knew the moment was close.

 

After what felt like an eternity, James bursted in the room, shouting that now the real fun could begin. But before he could propose some ridiculous game or prank, he felt the tension in the room and frowned. He went to the kitchen, and came back a few minutes later with tea for everyone. He sat on the floor, and asked :

 

“Now, what’s happening here ?”

 

It was no wonder why he was the mother hen of the group. Back in Hogwarts, he always guessed when one of the Marauders needed comfort, and how to help him. He had been there for each of them, no matter what he was personally going through. He was the big brother, the good friend, the confident, the counselor. And once again, he will be there for them.

 

Feeling more confident already, Remus cleared his throat : “Okay, we have an announcement to make, I think.”

 

Peter and James frowned like they were concerned, but Lily grinned. She had the face of someone who knew exactly what was going on.

 

“Anyway”, started Sirius, “We were… We’ve known for a while now, but we wanted to be sure… And you know you are never sure for what can happen…” he felt a heavy knot forming in his stomach, and suddenly he couldn’t pronounce words like they were supposed to be. “The… The thing here is… Well… We are 24 now and… There is a time when...”

 

Sirius, desperate, looked at his husband for support, but Remus wasn’t in a better state than him. All color had left his face, and his hands were shaking. Sirius did his best to continue, but it was even worst than before :

 

“Marl… We… W… She…”

 

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, just spit it out !” shouted Lily.

 

She rolled her eyes. James was still confused, but Peter’s smile proved that he had understood where this was going. Marlene sighed and whispered :

 

“Sirius Orion Lupin, if you don’t tell them in less than a minute, I will tell them that you cheated on Remus with me and that I am now carrying your child. Which technically is only partially wrong.”

 

Sirius almost grinned. He had no doubt Marlene would put her threat to execution. But before he could say anything, he felt a familiar hand on his and a soft voice raised :

 

“We were saying, or at least trying to, that Marlene accepted to be our surrogate.” He paused for maybe two seconds, his eyes staring at nothing, and added : “Sirius and I are having a baby.”

 

Their three friends erupted in applause and Sirius felt the arms of James around his neck. There was cheering, and words of congratulations that Sirius couldn’t understand. All he could pay attention to was his Moony.

 

Even though Remus should have been returning Lily’s hug, he was completely motionless. His mouth was slightly opened in disbelief, and he was scratching his arm like he did when he was anxious. But that wasn’t what caught Sirius’s attention. It was his eyes.

 

Remus’s eyes had always been fascinating for him. Their golden brown changed depending on how close he was to the full moon. He spent the first months of their relationship just looking into them all the time, and knew them perfectly. He knew exactly how they could narrow or widen, and what it would mean. He could read all of his thoughts with just one look at these beautiful bright pupils.

 

But at the moment, they were filled with so much contradictory emotions that they could be confused for empty.

 

***

 

October 27th, 1984

 

Remus looked at the landscape from the kitchen’s window while drinking his tea. It was almost 3 in the afternoon and he was still in his pyjamas. He hadn’t eaten lunch either, or showered. Being unemployed came with good and bad days, and this was an awful one.

 

He knew that if Sirius was here, he would shout at him or letting himself go, or we would dance with him. Or he would just hold him in his arms and tell him how loved he was. He tried to imagine those words and the comfort they procured him, but it wasn’t working. He felt useless. He couldn’t even bring himself to do the tasks he could do at home, like cleaning up the future baby’s room. Or at least telling his father.

 

He knew the real reason he didn’t want to speak to him about this, but he didn’t want to think about it right now. He didn’t want to think about anything right now.

 

He sighed, closed the window and went back to his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !
> 
> you can totally follow me on tumblr, my url is @jk-destroyed-our-best-gay-ships


	3. Vegetables and Wizard Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sirius and Remus babysit little Harry, and Sirius try to help Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, look at that, i finally updated this mess ! we're getting really close to the part i was expecting the most.  
> will i ever stop to thank holly for beta-ing me ? probably not. thanks love !

November 2nd, 1984

“They are using us, Moony ! Unashamedly so !”

“Pads, they are just asking us to babysit Harry for the night. And you love it.”

“For the third time this week ! I am a busy man, Remus !”

Sirius heaved a very dramatic sigh as he left the living room to change his clothes. It was true that the Potters were asking for a lot of babysitting since they knew about the baby, officially because “you’ll need practice, Sirius ! You can’t just have a child without any training !”. Therefore, Lily and James enjoyed every occasion to go out together and leave their kid to his favorite gay uncles. Sirius didn’t really mind, of course, but he’ll never miss a chance to complain.

He was quite relieved, if he told himself the truth, that he would get to practice his parenting skills. Even if he and Remus had thought about this for months, it sometimes felt like an impulsive decision. Neither of them had an usual childhood, and his only paternal figure, Fleamont Potter, died of old age a few years ago, only a few days after his wife. It had been a heart breaking moment for James and Sirius and everyone who knew them. They were the kindest people he ever knew, and they had rescued him at the darkest time of his own life.

He pushed the thought away. It wasn’t a good time to remember that. Right now he needed to pick his clothes for babysitting for his godson and have a good night with his husband. He covered his eyes for two seconds, and put an enthusiastic smile on his face before to get back to the living room. 

***

Harry was laughing so loudly Remus started to wonder if the neighbours would come and complain. Sirius, the fawn and himself were playing a board game, which started as chess but then Padfoot started to add made-up new rules. The game was now involving dares, singing performances and cards. None of them quite agreed on what the final goal was, but it didn’t matter. They were just here for the fun, after all.

After a while, Remus announced they will have to cook dinner at some point. James, who knew the terrible eating habits of his friends, had emptied their kitchen of every sweet or fat food. Sirius pouted at the sight of all the vegetables in the fridge, and tried to find pasta or rice. After half an hour of searching, the two men gave up and tried to sort out how to cook the green weird plants.

“But really, Harry” said a grumpy Sirius as he cutted the spinach, “you’ll tell your daddy our awful health is none of his business.”

“Daddy says”, answered the boy, “it’s for me. Says I need vegetables to grow up and become an amazing Quidditch player like him.”

The two men looked at each other with wide eyes. They stayed like this for an entire minute, hitten by their realization. Remus was the first to open his mouth :

“So… Children do need vegetables to grow up.”

“And”, added Sirius, “their parents would the ones who prepare their meals and make sure they remain healthy.”

“Like reasonable adults.”

They stare at each other again for a while.

“Moony. I don’t like that.”

Remus wanted to freak out too, but he knew one of them had to be responsible and calm down right now, and apparently it will have to be him. He tried to smile calmly and answered :

“Don’t worry, Pads. We’ve handled far worse, we should manage to cook some of these green things once in awhile for the mini thing, right ?”

But the “right” felt more like a true question than an affirmation. Sirius didn’t seem to notice though, as he nodded and went back to his vegetables. If his husband seemed a bit better, Remus still didn’t feel alright, and he couldn’t exactly point out why.

Harry had observed the short conversation without a word, hugging his Snitch plush. Remus noted he seemed a bit concerned, but mostly oblivious about what just happened. He silently blessed the child’s innocence and threw his part of the spinach into the pan and hoped it wouldn’t catch fire. His cooking skills were rather nonexistent.

***

At the end of the tasteless dinner, the men and their little boy went back to the living room. Remus was fidgeting with his sleeves, and had a bit of an headache. He felt tense and just wanted to go to sleep. He was always exhausted these days, but today was worse than ever.

Sirius looked at him with concern. Of course his husband would notice he wasn’t alright, Remus remembered. Sirius signed something to ask him if he needed something, but he just waved his hand like he was just tired. His partner frowned, but didn’t insist.

Harry asked excitedly if they could play with Padfoot. Sirius laughed and agreed, morphing into his dog form. He rolled on his back and wagged his tail, expecting his godson to caress him. Instead, Harry threw himself on the dog’s stomach and started to tickle him. Padfoot went back on his feets and licked his face, grinning. Harry was laughing again, and he started to run after the dog. Remus couldn’t help but smile.

If there was one thing in the world who always made him smile, even when he wasn’t well, it was Harry. The little boy was always cheerful and cute, and he became a mess of giggles every time his uncles were around.

It was during one of those babysittings that Remus realized he wanted a kid, he remembered. Harry and them were playing board games and as Harry accidently knocked over the whole game and spilled all the little bits in the middle of the living room, it hit him. He had freaked out, at first. Even after years of love from the Marauders, he still felt sometimes like he didn’t deserve all of this. He doubted he would ever be able to get over this feeling. But he had the guys with him, and Sirius, and he had felt like maybe it was safe now, and they could have children. They had been weeks of talks and sometimes arguments, and months before they felt confident in asking Marlene. And now there were about to have this child, their own puppy - a joke James made way too much to everyone’s liking.

Remus felt a little better, but there was still this feeling in his chest that was there since… He couldn’t even be sure since when. Has it always been here, ready to get heavier ?

But his thoughts were interrupted by Harry who jumped on him to hug him and ask him to help him to catch Padfoot. He laughed and agreed, and spent the rest of the evening running after the dog with his nephew.

***

November the 6th, 1984

Sirius was running back to his flat, extremely excited. He kept his hand on his pocket to make sure the envelope was still there. He couldn’t believe his luck.

Of course he had noticed something was different with Remus lately. He was staying more and more inside, and even if he always seemed okay when Sirius went back from work, he had seen the increasing number of old cigarettes in the ashtray. And Remus only smoked when he felt bad about something. But it would be okay, because Sirius had an idea to cheer him up.

When he finally reached the door of their apartment, he rang and waited for Remus to open it, according to their usual routine. A few second after, his husband appeared in the door frame. He was wearing an old Christmas sweater Peter gave him in year 6 and his hair was a bit messy. He was holding a mug of coffee and seemed tired. He leaned to kiss Sirius, his hands on his waist.

“D’you had a good day at work ?”

Sirius sat on the couch and started to tell him about that annoying client who was still not satisfied about the brakes system. Remus listened with his head against his husband’s shoulder, sipping his coffee. At the end of the story, he pressed a new kiss on Sirius’s cheek and asked him if he wanted some coffee too. But Sirius needed to ask something first.

“Alright”, he said, “We have nothing planned Friday night, right ?”

Remus frowned and answered “Actually, we said we’ll have a quiet couple’s night, with a movie or something.”

“Yeah but wait !” Sirius bounced excitedly. “You won’t believe it. You remember that wizard rock band we adored in seventh year ? The Wicked Creatures ? Well…” We left his phrase in suspense, appreciating his effect. “They are in concert Friday in Hogsmeade !”

He smiled and waited for Remus to be as excited as him, but instead he crossed his arms and put his mug on the table.

“So… I guess you want to see if they are any ticket left ?”

“Better” he grinned. “Alice came to visit this afternoon and as her and Frank are handling the food stand there, they have a reduction on tickets and…” He pulled the envelope out of his pocket. “I bought two for us !”

Remus looked at the envelope and frowned.

“But you said we’ll have a quiet night together.”

“Yeah but…” Sirius hesitated. “You really love this band.”

“But I needed a quiet night ! I’m exhausted all the time lately ! Don’t pretend you didn’t notice !”

“You’ll have the rest of the weekend for rest !”

“No I won’t ! We have to visit Marlene, remember ? Make sure everything’s okay with her ? Please tell me you didn’t forget ?”

Sirius remained silent. Remus stared at him for a minute, then walked to the window to breathe, his hands clenched into fists.

“Fuck, Sirius ! Did you even remember that she is the one carrying our child ? Or did you forget that too ?”

“Of course I didn’t !” Sirius shouted defensively. “Merlin, Remus, I just tried to get you a nice present and that’s the thank you I receive ?”

He was aware he shouted a bit louder than necessary, but before he could apologize, Remus shouted even louder :

“Oh I’m very sorry Sirius ! Should I bow and prepare you a bath and a massage ? The fact is that we had a quiet couple’s night planned and you changed our plans without asking my opinion first !”

“Well no need to shout !” yelled Sirius, very aware of the idiocy of this fight. He tried to calm down a bit and asked : “Listen, if you don’t want to go, we won’t go, it’s okay, alright ? I was, again, just trying to do something nice for you !”

“Well no we have to go, don’t you see ? You paid for these tickets ! As if we won’t need all the money we have for the baby ! It would be fucking great if you thought about that once in a bloody while !”

As he was yelling, he got closer to Sirius and their faces were nearly touching. His amber eyes were filled with rage.

“Merlin, relax, okay ? We have more than enough money for the baby !”

“Do we ? Your inheritance from Alphard won’t last forever, and it’s not like your store is so successful !”

“Oh I’m the one who don’t bring enough money ? Well you must have forgotten to tell me you were getting paid for staying at home smoking all day !”

The argument had just changed into a fight. Sirius knew the difference fairly well : an argument was like debating something just a bit louder than normally, and a fight was the want to hurt the other person. And Remus and him were very good at this.

“Merlin Sirius fuck off ! Just fuck off ! You have no idea what it’s like, okay ? How would you, when you are just some privileged pure blood with no sense of reality !”

Sirius was about to answer, but Remus took his mug on the table and threw it on the floor. It shattered in thousands of pieces all over the place, and Remus walked to the bedroom and slammed the door behind him.

Sirius sighed and went to clean the mess up. If Remus had fled from the fight, it meant Sirius had touched a very sensitive nerve. Which he always did, and regretted immediately. He sat on the couch and hide his face in his hands.

After half an hour, he had calmed down. He walked to the bedroom and softly knocked on the door.

“Fuck off, Sirius !”

“Moony, please I just want…”

“Fuck off, okay ?”

Sirius sighed again and went to the kitchen. He knew his husband always needed time whenever they fought, but he could never get used to it. The knowledge that he hurted him burned inside his body, but he could do nothing about it. James told him once that he was afraid they would come to physical fight when they were like this in Hogwarts.

Another half an hour passed before Sirius dared to knock again, and this time Remus invited him to come in. He was laying on the bed, facing the wall. Sirius sat next to him and remained quiet.

“I’m sorry I told you to fuck off.”

“No, don’t be. It was my fault anyway. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You bloody hell shouldn’t have.”

“Listen, Moony, I’m really sorry. For what I said… And the tickets. I’ll just offer them to someone else.”

“No, we’ll go.”

“Only if you want to.”

Remus turned to face his husband.

“I want to. Just promise me next time you’ll ask me first.”

He sat too and rubbed his eyes. He had obviously cried.

“I’m sorry I overreacted. I’m just really tired, I suppose.”

“I know. Any reasons ?”

Remus raised an eyebrow and asked sarcastically :

“We’re having a baby ?”

Sirius half laughed, and leaned to kiss Remus. The kiss was soft, chaste and short, but neither of them was in the mood for more. Remus put his hand on Sirius’s, and admitted :

“I guess I just feel like we are a bit unprepared.”

“I feel that too, you know ? But I think no one is ever prepared for a baby. It’s too big. It changes stuff. And I mean… What I’m trying to say is that there is no point in being afraid. It won’t change the problems. It’s like… Worrying means you suffer twice, see ?”

“Are you saying our baby will make us suffer ?” Remus asked, sparkles of amusement in his eyes.

“Well… He will wake up crying at one in the morning…”

Remus smiled widely, and kissed Sirius, this time more passionately. They broke apart slightly panting.

“Well” grinned Sirius “Wanna have some amazing post fight sex ?”

“You bet I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahaha i did a fantastic beasts reference.  
> you can still follow me on tumblr, url @jk-destroyed-our-best-gay-ships
> 
> thanks for reading


	4. An bit of Christmas Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius go buy some furnitures at the mall, and things do not end as expected

December the 13th, 1984

The mall was, as to be expected, crowded. Children were shouting at their siblings and parents were pretending not to notice. The shops were full of bright green and red light, and ridiculous fake snow. There was a quite drunk Santa Claus who took pictures with kids. It was officially the beginning of the Christmas shopping.

However Sirius and Remus weren’t there for their presents. They navigated through the sea of people to reach an almost empty big pinkish shop. They opened the door, and saw an old ginger seller with a big fake smile. she greeted them :

“Welcome to Baby Paradise ! Can I help you somehow ?”

“Er, we’re just looking around a bit, thanks” answered Remus.

“No problem ! Looking around for a gift for a nephew or a niece I suppose ?”

Remus was about to browse the question off, but Sirius talked first.

“No, for our baby. They are due in May, but we want to buy the big furnitures already. Bed, cupboard, those stuffs.”

The seller frowned and for a minute she abandoned her fake smile for a disapproving expression, but quickly it disappeared and she was back into her role.

“Well I’ll leave you to it then. Please tell me if you have any question !”

And she left them. Sirius crossed his arms angrily and Remus pulled him into a hug. Sirius nuzzled his face in his husband’s shoulder and he could feel him pouting.

“I know love, I know.” he sighed.

He took his hand and they walked to the place where the cradles were, but before they could a young black girl with purple hair wearing the shop’s uniform jumped in front them.

“Sorry about that ! This woman is a walking nightmare, really. Bloody bigot. The only reason she hired me was because the other candidate was arabic, and apparently black is ‘slightly less worse’ ” she said, sighing. “She’s a real hell. Really sorry she treated you two like that.”

She smiled apologetically, and the men felt a wave of affection for the young girl.

“Well it’s not your fault is it ?” Sirius said. “I’m impressed you manage to put up with that harpy everyday. I would go crazy !”

“Honestly I’m not sure if I am or not anymore.” She laughed frankly and said : “I’m Pearl by the way. You ?”

“Sirius Lupin, and this is my husband Remus.”

Sirius and Pearl entered a conversation about the terrible harpies like her manager, and Remus started to look at the sheets. Most of them were either pink with little princesses or blue with firemen and knights. Remus frowned and looked for less stereotypical ones. After a minute of research through the blankets, he found a green one covered with cute little foxes. He smiled and took it, certain that Sirius would like it.

He turned to see if his husband was still discussing with the sell-woman, and indeed he was. In fact, the two of them seemed to get along pretty well. He went back to his shopping and browsed through the beds. He wondered if they sold convertible beds who changed size as the child grew. But wasn’t there a spell for that ? He had to ask Sirius, he was always the best at Charms.

“Hey love, can you come for a second please ?”

“Yep Moons in a minute !”

Remus watched the beds around him again, trying to picture them in the room they had just finished to paint. He figured out a white one would look better, but wood could look good too. He had to ask his opinion to Sirius. Except he still wasn’t here.

“Sirius ! May I remind you we are here for buying stuffs for the baby so would please give a hand there ?”

Sirius dramatically rolled his eyes and walked to his husband, waving goodbye to the sellwoman. He intertwined his fingers with Remus and pecked him on the cheek.

“Is my Moony a bit moody ?”

Remus usually laughed to these jokes, but today it just felt patronising. He gently pushed Sirius away with a small apologetic smile, and turned back to the furnitures. But Sirius won’t let it go, and wrapped his arms around his husband’s shoulders.

“Aw, don’t be shy. We are married now, we can go public I think.”

He tried to kiss him, but Remus pushed him away again, not smiling this time.

“I’m not kidding, Sirius. Stop it.” he said sharply. “Now, look at the sheets I found and tell me if you like them.”

“Merlin, Rem, no need to be so rude.” He rolled his eyes and started to look at the sheets. He touched the softness of the material. He nodded in approbation, but didn’t bother with saying it out loud or looking at his husband.

Remus sighed. Things between the two of them were tensed since their previous fight. He felt like some things have been left unresolved, but none of them would bring it up. And Remus didn’t want to be the first to try to solve this. He was tired of Sirius childish behaviour, and decided to wait for him to act like a mature man. He needed to learn, because they had to be perfect for when the baby would be here.

***

December the 20th, 1984

James and Lily were baking Christmas cookies together, while some muggle christma songs were played in the background. Harry was lying on the floor, playing with his chocolate frogs cards. The kitchen was starting to smell nice, and the tea was almost ready.

James grabbed his wife by the waist and softly kissed her on the lips. She giggled and hugged him, her eyes half closed.

“If you start to distract me, I’ll burn the cookies.” she tried to protest - protest which were rather unconvincing since she was currently playing with James’ hair.

But after she smelled a definitely worrying smell from the oven, she pushed him away and ran to open it. The cookies were far darker than they were supposed to, and didn’t look eatable at all. With a disappointed pout, she put the burned cookies and sat next to her son.

“Harry, I’m afraid your parents failed again. This is the third attempt. Do we give up ?”

“No we never give up !” yelled Harry while raising his little fist in the air. Lily laughed.

“That’s right little boy. As long as we want to try, we keep trying.”

She kissed the boy on the forehead and added :

“But after a break. Mummy is lazy.”

James and her walked to the living room and sat on the couch, hand-in-hand. Lily leaned on the cushions and closed her eyes.

“You know, Lils, I’m a bit worried about Padfoot and Moony lately.”

She frowned.

“And why that ?”

“They seemed so stressed out. I don’t know. Just an impression.”

“Well they are having a baby. Do you want me to remind you of all the ridiculous things we did when I was pregnant ?”

But she started to feel concerned too. As oblivious as James could be, he could always feel if his friends had issues.

“I think the problem is between them. Like, as a couple. You know how they get - one little malfunctioning thing and they start to shout.” James explained. As one of the person who shared a dorm with them for seven year, he knew their mechanisms well.

“You think they had a bad fight ?”

“Well, it’s the most probable explanation, isn’t it ?”

“Doesn’t have to be.” she tried to comfort him. “Maybe they just have a lot on their mind with their puppy to come.”

“You think so ?”

He had the hopeful smile of a five years old - quite the same as his five years old son, actually. Lily hugged him and kissed him on the hair.

“I think so. They are adults, they can handle things. I trust them. And so should you, you overprotective big brother.”

He had a weak laugh, before to add :

“It’s not that I don’t trust them…’

“I know.” she interrupted.

“... It’s that I remember some of their previous fights.”

Lily leaned even closer and put her hand on her husband’s cheek.

“We’re not even sure they fought, James. They might…”

But the door bell rang suddenly and Lily raised a surprised eyebrow. No one was expected. James frowned and went to the door, opening it to find Sirius, without any make up, not even combed, and tears all over his face.

“James… I’m… I’m sorry… Moony and I…”

He tried to speak but he was sobbing too loudly. He tried to calm his breathe for a minute, and finally said :

“We had a fight. A very bad one.”


End file.
